Family

Some non-baby related news: my grandfather died yesterday at the age of 83. It was not a surprise, as he's been confined to a bed for a few years now and has had a few close calls. But it's still sad, of course. When my Gram died - I think it was four years ago now - I thought that Pop would not be far behind. They were always together when they were alive... it was hard to even imagine Pop without her.

But instead his Alzeimer's took a steep decline and he became bed-bound. Fortunately for both of my grandparents, my aunt had built them their own wing on her house so they wouldn't have to go to a home, and the family arranged in-home nursing care for them in the last years of their lives. After Gram's death, Pop seemed to deteriorate rapidly from confusion to total non-responsiveness. It was hard for me to visit him that way... he would be awake but not really seem present. So I have to confess that although it's sad to say goodbye forever, there is a little relief in it, from my perspective. I don't know if he was suffering, or aware of suffering, but it seems good that he will find his final resting place now.

I don't think we'll be going to the funeral - my dad said this was okay and he didn't want us to feel at all bad if we couldn't make it. It's a very long journey (about 12 hours one way even if we fly) and would cost us at least $1000 to make it if we went together, and honestly I really don't want to make the trip alone. I hope the rest of the family will understand - it's just so far.

I'm feeling so unready to meet the day today. To meet the week - the rest of the month. I have a lot to do, and no motivation to do it. All I can think about anymore is getting a chance to rest, sit down, lie down, maybe catch a nap. My brain is mush. Nausea is utterly distracting and prevents me from focusing on anything work related. If only growing a baby was my only responsibility right now....

Mr. Ibis and I talked baby names for a while last night. We're both now following a hunch that we're going to have a boy, and we've had the hardest time with boy names with both pregnancies. So we trotted out the old baby name book and gave it another go. We've narrowed the field so far to six names. Two are mine that he likes, two are his that I like, and two were mutual: Malcolm, Miles, Felix, Julius, Clyde, and Allston. The last has some special meaning as it's the name of the town where he and I met. The rest we just like - the middle name for each will either be John (the names of both of our grandfathers) or Joseph (Mr. I's middle name). Feel free to leave your comments on any of them... it's just a starting point for now!