Friday

Good morning and happy Friday... I just rolled out of bed (for the second time) about an hour ago. After I dropped Mr. Ibis off at work this morning, I headed straight back to bed with a glass of orange juice. The OJ was quickly forgotten as I dropped into a nearly three hour nap. I dreamed that Mr. Ibis and I were doing action poses for some sort of designer (?), who was making quick sketches of us on the fly. She said I was really good, and I thought just before I woke up, I should take a dance class! I'm awesome at this! Haha, in real life no.

The symptom report for yesterday is just okay. I was very hungry, which I suppose is good, and I started to feel mildly nauseous for about an hour or two in the late afternoon, though it went away by dinnertime. Mr. I definitely disagreed with me that my boobs are not as big anymore, so I guess I've just gotten used to my new size.

I put in my vag pill and went to bed around 9, and almost as soon as I lay down I felt terrible pains in gut... it felt more intestinal than uterine, but who can really tell? All those bits are smushed up together in there. I remembered that someone from the SAL board had mentioned having cramps that very same day and that drinking water had helped, so I chugged the glass of water on my nightstand. Sure enough, the pain subsided. So maybe it was uterine cramping brought on by dehydration, or maybe it was psychological, who the hell knows anymore.

Someone posted on the boards yesterday an article by a doctor about early pregnancy and miscarriage - specifically beta draws and early ultrasound imaging to determine viability of a pregnancy. This doctor said that when "fetal activity" is located on an early ultrasound - and I am assuming he meant cardiac activity since he was talking about ultrasounds at 6 or 7 weeks - the chance of miscarriage does drop to less than 10%. I was able to take some comfort in that since it came from a doctor on WebMD and not just message board chatter (even though it's still just the internets)... so I guess that puts me in the less than 10% for last time, but it does stack the deck in my favor this time.

I just keep trying to tell myself that truly I have a much better chance of a healthy pregnancy than another miscarriage. There are no guarantees, but if I'm going to assume one way or the other, logically I should assume that I'm going to have a healthy baby next winter. For that matter, there is really no reason to believe that I would magically miscarry at the exact same point that I did with my first pregnancy - rationally I have to see that as superstition, but emotionally it feels pretty scary.

I apologize for the repetitive nature of my posting for the past few days. I know I will get past this but it's a process of talking myself through it. Bear with me for a few more....