Hormones

I think I've been pretty even-tempered throughout this pregnancy so far. Although I have had a couple of crying episodes, overall I would definitely not call myself weepy or prone to tears. Although I have had moments of feeling cranky, I haven't really had a lot of that hair-trigger irritability (which I did have more during my first pregnancy).

Last night was a cranky night for me, though. It started before dinner; I went to do a load of laundry and said to Mr. Ibis, "I know the hamper's pretty full, but please don't put clothes next to the hamper on the floor, it drives me crazy." Fifteen minutes later there was a dirty hand towel on the floor next to the hamper. Grr.

Then we decided to eat dinner outside. It was the day after trash day, and every week after trash day when Mr. I puts the can back behind the deck, he leaves the lid off, and attracts flies. Every week I ask him to keep the lid on - etc. So we sat down to eat dinner and were attacked by flies. I asked him to please keep the lid on the garbage can... again.

So then we bickered about how he doesn't like being reprimanded by me, and I apologized and tried to cheer up, blah blah blah.

Then I went to bed, around 8:30 (we go to bed early and get up at 5:30), and he went to play on the computer for over an hour. This is yet another conversation we've had an infinite number of times: I hate when he goes on the computer after I go up and stays on there until I'm asleep. I want to go to bed with my husband, and it would be nice if there was the possibility of sex sometimes, and I don't really count being asked at 10pm for a super fast quickie. On top of that, I get woken up when he comes to bed so then I can't even sleep. I have tried asking him to come to bed with me at night, I have tried asking if we can have a rule about turning off the computer at 9pm, everything I've tried lasts about one day and then we're back to the same old routine.

So last night he comes to bed at almost 10pm, I had been asleep, but he woke me up, then he was lying there reading with the light on so there was no possible way for me to fall asleep. When he was done with his chapter, I told him that it might be nice if we could have sex more than once a week these days, but I tried to leave it at that to prevent an argument. He said he was sorry. But I was then wide awake, and fuming. My mind was racing through all the ways I was insanely annoyed. And he dropped off right to sleep. So I got up and went downstairs, read my book on the couch for probably another hour before I was ready to go back to sleep.

I'm not an irrational person, and though I have controlling tendencies, I think I'm fairly good at keeping them in check. I realize that when I've told my husband 100 times to do or not do something, and it never sticks, I have to either let it go or find another solution. Do it myself, undo it myself, learn to not care, whatever. But some things are more important than others. The laundry on the floor, the flies... fine. I can live with that stuff.

But going to bed every single night alone SUCKS. I don't know how to change that. I hate knowing, almost every single weeknight, that sex is off the table. I also hate, on the other hand, laying in bed alone for an hour and then at the last possible moment being asked if I want to forgo getting enough sleep in order to have a quickie. I hate not having that time to reconnect at the end of the day after we've done all our chores. I hate that he'd rather be on Facebook or reading dumb news stories on Yahoo then cuddling next to his wife in bed. It makes me so, so, blood-boilingly angry sometimes, but then I don't want to fight at bedtime, and I'm just stuck. ARGHHHH. I think I'm still cranky.