One Week Post Partum Mommy

Here is me at 40 weeks and me a week post partum (we got a new camera, by the way, so you can see crisper details like my bra pads showing through my shirt - ha). I'm still in maternity pants, because although I'm sure I could wear *some* regular jeans, surely not the ones that fit my skinny behind pre-pregnancy. I haven't even tried.

My belly now is a post partum version of its pregnancy form: still a round tummy low and in front, but smaller and squishier. I will admit that for the first few days I found it a bit frightening, but since it's been shrinking, I'm less nervous about it. I know it'll never be quite the same, but I'm not as afraid that I'm always going to have a pronounced pooch. I do wish I had appreciated my pre-pregnancy figure more when I had it; ironically I was always most self-conscious about my belly, which in retrospect was perfectly fine!

Stretch marks: I have them, but they don't bother me. They were a little hard to see when I was very pregnant, but they popped up around my navel, and now they look like little lavender lightning bolts. They're not that dramatic and I know they will fade more.

Least favorite thing aesthetically: my belly button. I still have an outie! I've never heard anyone talk about post partum belly buttons so I'm really hoping it goes innie again soon.

Favorite thing aesthetically: all that swelling went down almost instantly. In fact some of what I thought might be weight gain (my legs were looking quite round) turned out to be water retention. My hands were the most swollen during pregnancy and the last thing to go down to normal... in fact I should try my wedding ring on again and see if I can wear it now.

Also, my skin and hair still look awesome. I'm expecting my hair to fall out since it thickened during pregnancy, but so far it's the same. My skin still has that pregnant mommy glow. If these things stick around for a while it's okay by me!

It is nice to have my body back in the sense that I can sit and lie down any which way, fold my legs under me, bend over, etc., with a few exceptions having to do with my injured lady bits (more on that in a moment). My energy level is great, because even when I'm tired at least I'm not hauling around all those extra pounds. There is a little part of me that is wistful about having a baby in my belly, but then I look down and see that baby in my arms and it's so much better.

The Damage:

I had a second degree tear to my perineum. And actually at first Dr. J called it third degree, then amended that to second. When she visited me in the hospital after the birth, she told me, "Your sphincter is intact." I thought she was just letting me know by the by, like, don't be afraid to poop or anything, it's all good. But then I googled the degrees and I guess apparently it was a close one. This is the part where all the girls reading who haven't had babies cringe and look away.

A superficial tear is just the skin of the perineum, a second degree goes into the muscle and requires stitches, third degree extends to the anus. So I escaped a much worse fate. I can still feel my stitches when I clean up in the shower but they're supposed to dissolve soon. It does hurt, but I've been able to just take super strength (800mg) ibuprofen to deal with it, though I also have oxycodone if it gets bad (I haven't had to take any yet so I likely won't). As I said in my birth story, I did not feel the tear as it happened... mainly it bothers me when I'm trying to nurse and need to sit up, especially in the early days when both my boobs and my junk were just worlds of pain.

And speaking of nursing, breastfeeding is getting better. It still hurts at times, mainly when he first latches on, because he has a tendency to CHOMP down. I've noticed that when I'm cold, my nips are really sensitive, so I try to warm up in a blanket before I feed the little man. But thankfully, now once I get him latched on right, it actually feels kind of good. It's hard to describe the feeling, but in a way it's almost like a massage, because milk-filled breasts get tight and sore and letting the milk down brings relief.

Sleep deprivation is not a big deal to me at all. The worst of it is the moment when I wake up after too short of a cat nap - maybe an hour or even just 30 minutes - and have to nurse, and I'm just so exhausted. But that feeling fades pretty quickly. Mr. Ibis and I start the bedtime routine early, around 8 to 9 pm, so eventually I manage to add up about 6-7 hours of sleep a night, which isn't the 8-9 hrs I got while pregnant, but seems to be enough for me now.

Emotionally, I am doing really well. The first few days I was on a big emotional high, I don't know whether it was because I went natural and had all those good love hormones flowing, or just because that's the way my brain responded to the birth, but I felt like I was on top of the world (except for the times I was breastfeeding and wanted to scream!). I'm leveling out a little now but I still feel really good for the most part. I am feeling extra maternal in general, not just toward the baby, but toward my dog and husband too. I worry that the dog feels neglected, I worry that Mr. I is feeling a little baby blues. I try to give them each a little special attention but never feel that I can do enough to comfort them. In the evening I get tired and a little weepy for no particular reason. The morning is my favorite time of day, when I feel like I can do anything.