We went to our first Mom & Baby class yesterday afternoon. It's not really a class, more of a support group. They're run by lactation consultants out of the hospital and the purpose is really just for new moms and babies under a year to socialize. That sort of thing may sound cheesy, but it is really great to get out there and just chat with other women who have young babies. I don't know any parents of little ones out here - most of my social life still takes place online since we moved here 3 years ago. As Radiohead said, meeting people isn't easy. And I vastly prefer a sit-and-chat type of gathering to baby activities where you try to get a four month old to do yoga or play an instrument.
The group was small yesterday because they were just back from winter break - there were only three of us moms - but they said they usually have a group of around 10. It was nice to be the mom of the youngest baby and gain a little wisdom about what's to come from the other mothers and the LC too. Of course my life with baby is still mainly about breastfeeding, and they all told me that it will definitely get better soon. The LC said the first two weeks are the hardest. They also said it's totally normal for a baby Miles's age to keep falling asleep at the breast and take a good 40 minutes to eat (as opposed to our pedi's assurance that it "should" only take him 15-20 minutes). It was fun to see the older baby (4 months) smiling, laughing, cooing, and interacting with his mama.
When Mr. I got home that evening he went through his usual routine of greeting us, catching up on our days, then going to decompress in the bathroom with his video games (yes, this is unusual - he has his own bathroom and plays video games in there...). He works really hard and I know that is his time to relax and unwind from work. But. Sometimes he disappears for a long time, and still has to shower and check email and whatnot, and this can all end up being rather prolonged, and it happens right at/before dinnertime. Not a problem when it was just the two of us, but.
Yesterday he was in the bathroom for a solid hour, during which time I had to start dinner, watch Miles who fortunately did not need to eat at that time but sometimes does, feed the Unicorn, let the Unicorn out to pee and then listen to him barking to be let in while I had my hands full... and I got a little frustrated. I realized that I had never actually asked Mr. I to be more available during that time or stated my expectations about how things would be different now that we had the baby. So although I was tempted to get on his case, instead I managed to tell him fairly nicely that I just need more help at that time of day. It's too much to do all by myself now. And I know that's his time to decompress, but it just has to be a little shorter now that we have the baby. And he was totally fine with that. Miles got hungry then so Mr. I took care of the rest of dinner, and later on when I fell asleep early he did all the dishes and cleaned the kitchen too!
It's hard to predict all the small ways that life will change once you have the baby, and at least for me, it's hard to even recognize what your expectations are until you find that they're not being met and suddenly realize you were thinking it would be different. I do have a tendency to get upset about things that I never said bothered me before, so I have to watch that even more now. It's all about communicating openly and most of all kindly as we adjust to the new normal.
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