I felt extra terrible dropping him off 20 minutes after waking up for the day. I have to confess I am still not over the guilt of bringing him to daycare, despite all the reading I've been doing (more book reviews to come) about how this guilt comes from outdated cultural baggage and sexist internalized messages about mothers. I think a lot of it is that he's just so young. I feel like it would be easier if I could tell him "you're going to play at Judy's today, Mommy's going to get some work done" and know that he at least understands the plan. Instead I just leave him there with his cute little face looking slightly confused but game.
Although it is nice to have a little time for myself, and of course I have to work, and of course I want to work a little bit... I wish I could have had a longer maternity leave.
Here's what my perfect life would look like if I could wave a magic wand and have everything the way I wanted it:
I would have stayed home with Miles for about 4-6 months. Actually I'm not sure when exactly I would have wanted to go back to work but I am 100% sure it wouldn't have been 8 stinkin' weeks. Maybe I would have wanted a whole year, I don't know.
Mr. Ibis would have stayed home longer too. We'll let him choose. Of course, in my perfect world this is paid leave for both of us.
I would go back to work, and probably I'd work roughly as much as I do now - a job or two per month. But I would have the financial freedom to be choosy and not choose the terrible jobs where I know I'm going to put in long hours and make no money.
Mr. I would work too but he would be home in the afternoons every day, let's say around 3 or 4pm. It's been awesome having him watch Miles during the day but if he had his druthers I think he'd prefer not to travel and just come home every night.
I would still send Miles to childcare, usually just for work but occasionally if I need time to get things done. But in my ideal world my family would live nearby and one of them would be willing to watch him, with the occasional babysitter thrown in. It's not that daycare per se is bad, but this is my ideal world and I would love for him to be with family when he's not with us. (If you haven't been reading my blog long, my inlaws can't watch him because they're elderly and in poor health, bad vision, unsteady on their feet, unstable blood sugar, etc.)
If you blog, feel free to steal this idea and describe your ideal work-life situation, or comment here.
3 comments:
General question:
What is the state of play on Maternity over your side of the murky pond?
I ask because I've read many blogs with new parents returning to work only weeks after having their baby.
On the subject of perfect situ:
Id take the full year off that I am already entitled to, but as the last 3 months are currently unpaid it's a no go. So the plan is to take the 9 paid (although poorly) months.
Sorry, that should say Maternity pay/leave
By law, employers are required to allow 12 weeks unpaid leave to mothers and fathers, as long as the company has a certain # of employees (50+?). There is no requirement for paid leave so that tends to be up to employers.
Many people simply can't afford much unpaid leave so they go back after the paid or reduced-pay leave runs out, typically around 6-8 weeks. Since I'm self-employed I just had to save up for leave and could only afford the 8 weeks.
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