Moony

*Sigh.*

I don't know what's wrong with me. Hormones? Can breastfeeding make a girl loopy? I feel like I'm 15 again: melodramatic, prone to mood swings. My life is practically perfect right now: I work part time, I have the best husband in the world who also is an amazing dad to our son, I have a perfect healthy boy that makes me laugh every day, we have a lovely little home and a nice life. And yet I feel so moony and sad and lonely sometimes, only to feel like I'm on top of the world the next day. I'm steeped in nostalgia, for times past and then also, most strangely, for times present. I miss having friends, and yet when I'm invited somewhere, I don't want to go (unless I can bring my baby, I'm embarrassed to admit). I'm mad at the weather. The sight of a yellow lab walking down the street inexplicably makes me want to weep.

Last night I managed to get Miles to sleep and then crept off to watch a television show (Mr. I was out of town). When I went back to check on my sleeping baby I had the most surreal feeling that he was a stranger to me. Going from being pregnant to breastfeeding, it's easy to feel like your baby is a part of your own body, but of course he's not, not a limb or a branch of me at all.

In the middle of the night we had a thunderstorm and it sounded suspiciously pre-tornado-like. One of those things you have to worry about living in this part of the country. All I could think of was the giant maple in our front yard crashing right now onto the bed where Miles and I slept on the second floor. I picked him up, sleeping, and crept quietly downstairs to turn on the TV and check for tornado warnings, but it was just an ordinary storm.