It's that time

Mr. Ibis and I learned some friends of ours are expecting their second child. As befits the new age of social networking, we learned this via Facebook updates. She is about 12 -13 weeks along, and I knew they were TTC (or, I thought, would be soon) but obviously they waited until second tri to spread the news, for which I certainly can't blame them. We are really happy for them, although, of course, we can't help but feel that little pang. Mr. I confessed to me last night that he's a little jealous, and so am I. That just comes with the territory now, I think.

In keeping with the plan of listening to our bodies this cycle, I heard from my body yesterday that I should attack my husband as soon as possible. I dropped a couple of hints in the evening, but they seemed to fall a bit flat. When we went to bed, we had a little chat, and it turned out that Mr. I was a little confused about how my cycle runs... for some reason he thought I would be ovulating two weeks after my period ended, so he was looking forward to doing it this weekend. I told him that would be too late, and in fact it should be happening right around now. Then he said that he was a little too tired, and I froze up a little, feeling confused and slightly panicky, but I was willing to roll with it in the interest of feeding our marriage first and baby rabies second. Finally he asked how I was feeling physically, was I feeling like it was the right time, and I said I definitely was, so we commenced with the babymaking.

I wish sex didn't have to be so fraught in this process, but it's complicated after a loss. You want to "just" have sex, but you want a baby, and you don't want to schedule it, but you know you kind of have to, and it's hard not to have mixed emotions about it all.

In the end, I did enjoy it. Afterward, I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned for a long time, imagining what if what if what if. Finally I drifted off, and at 2:30 in the morning I woke to hear Mr. Ibis making strange, soft panting sounds. At first I thought he might be awake and crying, but then I realized he was asleep and dreaming, probably trying to scream in his sleep. I let the nightmare play out, then got up quietly and went to pee, and he went after me, then came back and told me his dream. It was one of those childlike nightmares about a bad guy coming into the house to steal some girl, while he stood there helplessly screaming. Somehow we both fell back asleep quickly, though I slept fitfully until morning, having bad dreams of my own which I now can't remember.

My temp is still low this morning, but if the egg didn't hatch yesterday, I think it will today. Probably the weekend after this one I should have my answer for this cycle.