Optimism

Mr. Ibis got some "advice" yesterday on how to make a baby from a coworker who has six kids. Let's just say it is probably more aptly described as locker room talk than proper TTC advice... I guess that's about what one would expect from a seasoned construction worker! I told Mr. I that I know this is not what he wants to hear, but the truth is we're doing everything right and we just haven't had any luck for two cycles. And that's normal... we just have to keep at it.

My temps have been flat for three days, and not very high, so that is probably an answer in itself. However, I do still have one FRER left, and I will probably use it tomorrow morning just for the hell of it. I guess if my temps take a major nosedive, maybe not. Maybe I'll just ask Mr. Ibis to hide it instead. He can tell me where it is on May 6th.

Last night we had a friend who works in HVAC come over and check out our furnace for us. It's at the end of its lifespan, which we knew when we bought the house, so he put together a couple of quotes for us on new furnaces. That is something we'll probably have to purchase next fall, among all the other bills looming over our heads.

On the bright side, my work is picking up like crazy. I met a new designer last week and she has already booked me for two big jobs in the next couple of months. And I have two other designers who I expect to be using me, plus my colleague in town, and the colleague who's coming back into town from a long business trip. I think it's going to be a busy, and profitable, summer... I hope, I hope.

In light of all this, I said to Mr. Ibis last night that although there is not even 1% of me that's glad we lost our baby, I have to admit that it would have been hard to probably stay home from work for most of July and August (being too pregnant, and then having a newborn), as those are my busiest months of the year.

He responded that our baby was just waiting for the right vessel. "You mean it was reincarnated?" I asked. He said, "our baby is a soul in heaven... waiting for the right time to come into the world." We then kind of devolved into joking around about how our earliest memories were of sitting on clouds playing tic-tac-toe. (No conversation stays serious for very long with us.)

In fact Mr. Ibis and I are not religious people, and not even particularly spiritual. For us, reality is the here and now. Morality is about kindness to others. In some ways I suppose we have been deprived of some of the spiritual comforts of believing that our lost baby is part of some divine plan, or is in heaven with God or other people we have lost. On the other hand, there is a kind of spiritual comfort in simple, secular biology too - in believing that there really was no cosmic reason for our baby to be taken away from us, other than that that happens sometimes to all kinds of people and even other animals. That although it was painful, it was natural and part of the normal cycles of life.