One day at a time

I have to thank the awesome women of the SAL and TTCAL boards from talking me down after the Evil Nurse phone call yesterday. I knew as soon as I heard the number that it didn't sound low, but when a medical professional makes it sound bad, it's hard not to freak out. But the girls all reassured me that it was fine, sent me links to beta charts, told me their numbers for 16dpo, and several said they had a similar experience with their betas. Deeep breaths.

By the time Mr. Ibis got home and I explained everything to him (and I did NOT deliver the news in the alarmist way it was delivered to me), we actually started to wonder if it could be twins! Ha... there is always a reason to worry I guess. I don't know why we keep thinking twins this time, when it didn't really come up last time. Something about that really dark HPT at 13dpo. And someone on the Nest dreamed I was having twins :::creepy:::. But I know that the tendency toward twins comes from the mother's side (when the female has a tendency to release multiple eggs) and there aren't any twins in my family through mom, so that's unlikely. Mr. I said if we do end up with twins he's getting snipped, hehe. We only want two, so that would be fine with me.

I am glad I decided to get the betas done after all. I know they can't tell you that the pregnancy is going to be full term, but they are just one marker along the way that can reassure us that things are going okay so far. So by Wednesday afternoon we should at least have an idea of whether to exhale a little bit.

Some anxiety is beginning to set in. I think being back at work for a day made me nervous - did I strain too hard, did I work too long, etc. I did not sleep well last night. I felt restless and like I was sleeping too lightly, at the edge of waking. I got up to pee at 3am and then when I fell back asleep I finally hit some deeper sleep level. I dreamed that I consulted a psychic. She told me I was having a single baby, not twins. It would be a girl, and I would come to have "complicated" feelings about motherhood. Ultimately we would only have one child. Hmmmm.

Mr. Ibis tried to convince me to sleep in this morning, but I resisted. I need this time in the morning when I can be alone and have down time before I have to start my day. It helps me prepare to face the world.

But I woke up feeling worried and a little depressed. I so want this pregnancy to be healthy and long... it's hard to maintain a certain emotional distance so that I don't get my hopes up too early. It makes me sad that I don't want to enjoy it "too much."

I've been good about not temping since my BFP. I've been tempted every morning, but have resisted so far. I know that it's possible for my temps to dip around the time I would have gotten my period (which was yesterday), and I don't want to see that. So I told myself if I'm good I can temp in a week just to see where it is, for curiosity's sake. Hopefully by then I won't want to.

For now I'm just looking forward to Wednesday and a good second beta.