One week to go

So I did have a few phantom symptoms yesterday - the fatigue, crazy hunger (I had three snacks between 3pm and when we finally ate dinner at 7pm), and in the evening I started to get shooting pains in my breasts along with a tingling sensation... it wasn't even painful so much as kind of shooty & stabby, it felt like electric wires running from my chest cavity out to my nipples! At that point it may just be progesterone at work, because I don't think you can even "feel pregnant" before implantation occurs, but we shall see what tomorrow brings.

I'm trying not to place too much weight on the countdown, because in the past I let my existence revolve around Testing Day as though it would be life-altering... but when you get a BFN, it's so not. Having said that: one week. I only have digital tests in the house this time so that shall stop me from testing too early, because they are known to be less sensitive than the "early result" kinds I usually use. I realized recently that I have had this superstitious subconscious notion that if I don't test early, I'm going to get AF... as though testing will somehow magically turn me pregnant! Odd. So I'm going to try not to stress (hahahahah) and just test next Saturday - I'll be 14dpo and over 4 weeks IF I am pregnant at that point. If I'm not, I'll just suffer through the Mother's Day BBQ that's planned for the day.

I'm getting this weird feeling like this is just not going to happen for a long time. Not a sad, woe-is-me feeling, just a matter-of-fact, that may be my reality feeling. And I can't believe I would ever say this, but I'm even considering maybe just forgetting about charting and everything else. It doesn't seem to be doing me all that much good. It's not stressful, it just feels kind of extraneous sometimes. If my CM stays "normal" I can just go by that and maybe half-forget about how much we want to have a baby. I don't know, maybe I'm delusional on that one.

Speaking of which, my chart looks good, temps are high, but I'm a little paranoid that I O'd on CD20 and the last time we had sex was CD16. That would be bad. I had a lot of CM that day but I'm like 90% sure it was creamy and non-fertile. Only time will tell. But if I don't get AF until CD35 or 36 I'll know... and we may have to have a conversation about our FWP habits. So far we keep falling off the wagon immediately after I think I've O'd, and we have a one week drought, which is a little risky.

We'll see.