Food

First, an aside: yesterday I began to fret that my blog has become too negative, and maybe discouraging to people who are trying again after a loss or perhaps haven't been pregnant yet. I don't want it to seem like pregnancy after loss is all about anxiety and depression; my blog probably misrepresents the experience at times, because when I sit down to write about my pregnancy, my thoughts do run to the contemplative, serious, darker side of things. But my daily experience isn't quite so fraught (frought? Why can't I spell). At other times I'm talking baby names with my husband. At other times I'm browsing baby gear online. At other times I'm happily patting my bloated belly.

And now: Food.

For background info, Mr. Ibis and I have been vegetarian for three years now (as of this month in fact). Mr. I decided one day that he was no longer okay with eating animals. I followed suit initially as a culinary challenge, and over time, especially as I've read more about food production, I've come to feel that I don't want to eat animals either. We DO cheat and eat seafood very occasionally, but more as a coping mechanism for living in beef country, and we try to stick to shellfish when possible.

I always wondered if I might crave meat when I eventually got pregnant, and if so, what I'd do. Well, it has come to pass: I am drawn to meat smells quite strongly. But am I craving a nice grilled breast of chicken or perhaps a lean cut of steak? No, I am drawn to the greasiest, grossest meat product imaginable: hot dogs. WTF?

This past weekend Mr. Ibis and I stopped by the street fair in our neighborhood and OF COURSE we stopped at a booth that was selling big, fat, greasy, delicious smelling hot dogs and sausages. I felt like a recovering alcoholic at a bar. The world faded away as my vision narrowed and all I could see was a steaming, sweating, all beef frank, and MY GOD I wanted one. But I dutifully ordered... a falafel wrap. Falafel. Even the word falafel makes me want a hot dog.

Of course, added to my meat craving conundrum is the fact that I am having aversions to most of the vegetarian proteins I used eat. From the first time a can of chili made me gag (and seriously just thinking about it still makes me want to hurl), beans are off the table. My once beloved tempeh is almost as intolerable. I used to snack on nuts, and while not gaggy, they are now decidedly meh. I know I need more protein, but I am still not willing to eat animals. I will do eggs and cheese, but... well, I don't want to cook eggs every day, and cheese is very hit or miss. It has to be mild to the point of flavorless.

Finally I decided to try some of those fake veggie meat products. I don't normally eat these, because I am not only vegetarian, I'm one of those irritating people who doesn't really eat processed foods. In fact, fake meat was so off my radar that I didn't even think of it until I posted on the Bump asking for protein suggestions. So I picked up some fake sausages last time we went shopping, and I cooked some up last night with mashed potatoes and yellow squash. It was surprisingly good, and as a matter of fact that was the first plate of dinner I've been able to finish in weeks.

Why, then, I would wake up at around 4am so hungry that I felt like throwing up is a mystery for the ages....