Meet Baby Ibis

There he or she is... measuring 3 days ahead, with a beautiful heartbeat!

For those of you not accustomed to viewing these early ultrasound pics, what you can see in the top picture is baby lying sideways with the head on the left, body on the right, and two tiny arms sticking out on either side of its body. The heartbeat looked like a tiny pulsing spot just below the head. In another view, the doc pointed out the amniotic sac and the yolk sac - you can't see them here but it was fascinating.

I wasn't expecting an ultrasound... I just had a regular appointment scheduled. I had my blood drawn and a cervical culture taken - I didn't need a Pap because my last one was less than 6 months ago. The doc went over some basic info and talked to us about prenatal screening. Mr. Ibis added a chatty, lighthearted mood to the room with his banter. We talked a little bit about whether to do an early ultrasound, and she kind of left it up in the air. She felt my breasts and abdomen, and when she felt my tummy she said, "I'm not sure if that's your bladder I'm feeling, but I might be able to feel your uterus. I'm going to try the Doppler - don't worry if we can't hear anything, though, because it's still early."

With my first pregnancy she did use the Doppler at my 8 week appointment (she thought I might have been 9 weeks) and we could hear the heartbeat at that time. But this time, we couldn't... just my heartbeat. I wasn't surprised or worried, but I guess to reassure me or herself she decided to bring in her portable ultrasound machine and take a look. Yay!

I had thought earlier in the day that if I did get to see the baby I would probably cry... I felt like crying just thinking about it. But when the moment came, I was so anxious I think I was disassociating a little. I think I tend to do that when stressed - put some psychic distance between reality and my mind so I don't panic. But then - there s/he was. Heart beating away. I didn't cry, I was just - wow. Happy. Neither Mr. Ibis nor I said much at all... until finally he said "we did it!" and high fived me, hehe. The doc gave us a printout which I have already emailed to my family... it's crazy how adorable that little blobby baby looks to me already.

I didn't anticipate that seeing the heartbeat would be much of a relief for me because of the way my previous loss went down, but I do feel so good today. At least that baby is in there, alive, heart beating, growing well (and it's not twins, haha). It is really reassuring. I am willing to believe - at least for today - that it means something, that it means I'm safer if not completely safe. It feels good.