Friday

4 days to go. 4 days to go.

I told Mr. I last night that I'm a nervous wreck. He didn't really say anything about it, probably because I sounded pretty casual. But I really am kind of coming apart at the seams here. One of my problems is that when I'm anxious, I have a hard time remembering if I was always this way or if it's a recent change. So, I think I'm anxious because of the upcoming ultrasound, and I'm pretty sure that I felt fine a couple of weeks ago and will probably feel fine again later, but I'm not sure. I've even gotten to the point where I'm thinking to myself that if I don't feel good again after the ultrasound, I may need to talk to my doctor about my anxiety level and whether I need some kind of counseling to get through this pregnancy. I thought it would get easier as I went along, but right now I feel like it's almost harder, because now I'm not afraid of losing a pregnancy, I'm afraid of something going wrong with my baby, and that's worse.

Bleh. 4 more days.

Today I have a meeting with a designer and a new client who might potentially give me a lot of work. The designer doesn't know I'm pregnant yet but he will find out when he sees me! He knows about my previous loss because my blabbermouth ex-coworker told him I was pregnant at 8 weeks and then I had to have an awkward conversation about miscarriage with him on the phone. I'm sure he'll be happy for me, though I will need to stress that I am NOT quitting work.

Tonight Mr. Ibis and I are going to work as servers at a big birthday bash... just passing hors d'oeuvres and making drinks and whatnot. It will be a long night - we're supposed to get there at 5:30 and work until midnight if we can hack it - but we'll have $200 extra to spend on baby gear. And it will be kind of fun to be the pregnant waitress... some of the people there are going to be casual acquaintances who will be finding out for the first time.

Tomorrow morning Mr. I is going to Daddy Boot Camp. I am more excited than him... I thought it was so cool that he signed up for it. It's just a one hour class about the basics of baby care with a bunch of other dudes. Other than that we have no plans for the weekend.