I think the kick counts are only making me more crazy. Now I'm hyperaware at every second of whether the baby is moving. And of course the times when he is not seem to drag on forever. I wake up in the night to pee as usual but then when I go back to bed I lie there wondering why he isn't moving. Consequently I'm sleeping like crap, I'm tired, I'm anxious, I'm irritable.
I woke up this morning just miserable. Baby's kick count last night was the lowest yet. I slept poorly and didn't want to go to work. Morning kick count slightly lower than the last.
I went to work and I couldn't find a parking spot ANYWHERE remotely close to the job site. So because I had to haul all my stuff two blocks and three stories, I did it in as few trips as possible. Which meant that I was carrying WAY too much at once. I was huffing and puffing, struggling to hold things above my belly, grimacing in pain, pausing when I could, but just trying to get it over with. I painted the stupid room and lugged everything back to my car.
Shortly after I got home my back started to hurt. I must have tweaked it carrying too much weight. I had a whole bunch of Braxton Hicks contractions. I felt like shit. I laid down and did kick counts, and they were even lower than ever before - 12 in a half hour.
I just put a call in to the doctor with my kick counts. The nurse said to her they look good but she will let the doctor know. I just hate how they keep going down and down.
I know I did too much today and I'm hoping that's why I'm having all the Braxton Hicks, but I'm so worried. I'm wound up like a top and I can't relax or stop obsessing. I really can't even tell you when is the last time I felt this anxious and negative about the pregnancy... probably before my anatomy scan. Every time I think of the baby I can only think that something is going to be wrong. And it will be my fault because my job is dangerous, or I didn't react to symptoms, or whatever. I can't be excited about the baby at all right now and that's pathetic.
I can't take five or six months off of work, but I have started looking into picking up seasonal work in retail so I don't have to do manual labor anymore. I applied at Motherhood yesterday. There are a few places looking for help through the holidays... it's a lot less money than what I usually make, but I think it will get us through and I just can't keep doing what I'm doing.
1 comment:
Why are you doing kick counts so frequently? My OB told me to do them once a day, maybe twice towards the end of pregnancy.
Try not to stress too much - between 24-32 weeks my LO had TONS of relaxed days that would stretch on for 3-4 days. Then he'd have really active ones for 3-4 more days.
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