Need for Solitude

I defied half the world's predictions and made it through the weekend. Other than totally sporadic moments of nausea, mild crampiness, and painless tightening contractions, there are no labor signs and I don't really have a gut feeling that it's going to happen soon either.

I have described this time as the Two Week Wait on steroids... it's very similar with all the phantom symptoms and overanalyzing every twinge. It's also similar in the sense that you know rationally it's going to happen sometime (conception, or delivery), but each time that it doesn't come through you can't help but feeling really let down. And in both cases, you're totally hormonal, which adds to the soup of crazy.

So it looks like my mom and sister are going to leave town without meeting the baby. I could tell in the past couple of days that sister was getting disappointed, frustrated, and grouchy about the fact that I hadn't gone into labor. Mr. Ibis noticed it too and both of us were feeling personally culpable and bummed out for her. Since she's only fourteen, I really blame this on my mom... not only that she did not consult me about her travel plans, but also that even without consulting me she did not have the sense to book this trip LATER. What was she thinking?

I heard my sister talking to my stepmom on the phone yesterday and I could divine from her end of the conversation that my stepmom was saying that if I had the baby now she would transfer her ticket to use on a vacation later in the year, but if I didn't, she could use the ticket and come back there with them in February. Later that day sister started talking to my mom about how she didn't really want to come back, because our littlest (half-) sister annoys her too much and would make the trip all about them. I know my sister well and I know the real reason she is contemplating not coming back is loyalty to my mom - she feels bad that everyone in the family is going to meet the baby except for mom. This just irritated me so much... this whole situation was totally avoidable with just an ounce of common sense and good planning.

And it makes me angry because there was all this pressure on me to deliver on time, in addition to the run of the mill phone calls we get every day from everyone else in Creation asking if the baby is here yet. I feel like I'm sitting on a public toilet with all my friends and family gathered around urging me to take a poop on command. It seems like people do not truly accept that this is not in my control and it's making me REALLY effing cranky.

And to perfectly illustrate that point, a story from my mother-in-law. We took her out to dinner last night with my family members, and at the end of the night when I was in the car alone with her - Mr. I was pumping gas - she said when I next go to the doctor I'd better "tell him to do his job and get that baby to come out!" She added that when she was pregnant with my husband, she went to the doctor and he threatened to induce her on Halloween if she didn't have the baby first. She didn't want to have a Halloween baby, so she went home and "talked herself into labor" that very night. Yes, did you know that you can just DECIDE when to go into labor? So this is really my fault, that my baby is late.

Another interesting fact, recall that my mother-in-law said all her babies were induced? Well, Mr. I asked about his brother's birth (since his birthday is today) and mom said that in fact he was induced two weeks early. So that is relevant to my situation... how?

On the other end I have people telling me anecdotes about the super super late babies they had. Like mother-in-law having her first one three weeks late. Or my aunt saying her last was 17 days late. THIS DOES NOT MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. It's almost like when you have one miscarriage and people coming out of the woodwork to tell you, "Oh, I had four." NOT HELPING! I just think these people had dating problems with their pregnancies. I have a very good idea of when we conceived (day 17 of that cycle) so I'm not going to go 3 weeks late, dammit.

The racket from all sides is really wearing Mr. Ibis and me down. In turn, our low moods are making us sad because this is not how we want to feel right now. I told him last night that we need to turn our frowns upside down because we want to bring our son into a world of love and happiness, not stress and aggravation. I never could have imagined how much other people could bother us and almost ruin this experience in the very end... we need to try harder to tune it all out. So my plan is that once my mom and sister leave, I'm going to sequester myself. I'm not going to see anyone, talk to anyone, I may even avoid the 3rd tri board since people also love to tell discouraging stories there. I need to refocus my energy. I have a feeling that once I get all these people out of my hair my body will be able to do what it needs to do.