Getting the Hang of Things

I'm sitting here in a soaked pajama top... still not quite getting the hang of this whole leaking thing.

I think we are seeing improvements in the Battle of the Boobs. Last night I nursed in bed all night long and it went pretty well. Until finally toward morning Miles's pacifier fell on the floor and he wanted to use me as a pacifier - I tried it but it's not so cool on my end. He changes his suck to more of a pacifier suck and it hurts. Still, the feedings themselves are getting so much better!

Nursing in bed through the night is such a different experience from hauling my ass out of bed to go sit on the couch, arrange the boppy, etc. I barely wake up to feed and the same goes for Miles. I think we're both getting a lot more sleep. And I feel less stress because I'm not watching the clock and thinking, oh god, he just ate two hours ago, I'm never going to get any rest tonight! Usually I can manage a diaper change in the dark if I can make out that it's just wet... he doesn't usually poop during the night but if he does I take him downstairs during the week so Mr. I can sleep, and on weekends I just turn on the light.

And yes, we are bed sharing. I was never opposed to it in the first place so it's not surprising that we've ended up that way. Typically when we go up to bed I put Miles in the pack and play (love the newborn napper!) and he has a nice long stretch of sleep in there all swaddled up. The first time he wakes to eat I am taking him into bed with me, unswaddling, and for the rest of the night we just nurse and sleep together. I nurse him in the crook of my arm and that's how he sleeps when he's done eating, or else on my chest. We have a king sized bed so Mr. Ibis is a safe distance away. Sometimes in the dark of the room I look down at Miles and I can see him searching my face in the dim light... so sweet.

I went back to Mom & Baby class yesterday. This poor girl came in with her four day old baby because she was having a hard time with breastfeeding. What do you know, she was given that blasted small nipple shield by the lactation consultants at the hospital and ended up with severely damaged and sore nipples! I practically jumped out of my chair to tell her I had the same experience. I felt so terrible for her and just wanted to give her a big hug. The look on her face was exactly like I felt for four weeks: anxious, desperate, weepy, and in pain. I couldn't really say all I wanted to say in front of the LC who was leading the group, but I tried to give her some encouragement. At least she only waited four days and not four weeks!

I've decided I need to write a formal letter of complaint to the hospital's lactation group or whatever it is, and also talk to Dr. J at my 6 week post partum visit. I'm going to be okay but it makes me angry that the LCs seem to be routinely doing to new moms what they did to me. What makes me the most upset when I think about it is that my birth experience was so empowering, but all of that feeling of strength and confidence was sucked out of me by the way I was treated by the LCs. They invalidated my motherly instincts about breastfeeding, they pressured me instead of giving me space to try breastfeeding on my own, they rushed me through consultations, and ultimately they foisted a bad product on me. Why? - I don't know. I don't know if they are lazy, well meaning but incompetent, just trying to sell breast pumps, or what. But what they're doing is wrong and I want to officially complain.