Random Thoughts

Okay, I spoke a little too soon on the glorious pain free nursing. I had two good days but yesterday went downhill, and by my middle of the night feedings I was biting my hand to get through the right-boob sessions. This morning I went back to pump & bottle. I'm just still too raw to breastfeed full time. But I did have two good days, and that's better than I've ever done - hopefully it will be good full time soon. (Although I do have to go back to work in three weeks anyway - nooooooo! - and will be pumping part time whether I like it or not, so maybe the point is moot.)

On the TMI front, I have to share something. I had a lovely, healthy pregnancy, free of complications and even free of many of the normal discomforts of pregnancy, like vomiting, heartburn, or... constipation. Well before you call me a lucky bitch, know that I'm getting mine in the end, literally. Once I ran out of my prescription for stool softeners (I know, ick, but everyone gets them at the hospital) my digestive system went haywire. I'm now only pooping every two days and it ain't pretty when I do. The obvious solution would be to go out and buy more laxative but on my neverending list of things to get accomplished for the day, that always falls well below feeding the baby, changing the baby, rocking the baby to sleep, and taking a shower.

It's been awesome to have my family in town, but it's also a little overwhelming. Because I'm hanging with them most of the day over at the house where they're staying (much bigger and more things for the kids to do), I'm getting absolutely nothing done at home. Which is mostly a problem when it comes to laundry and how I keep running out of clean clothes, towels, baby clothes, etc. On the plus side my stepmom is cooking for us every night. Again on the downside, we've been staying over there too late and I have twice fallen asleep, only to have to wake up and drive home, which totally sucks. I'm feeling a bit ragged.

Yesterday I had my first outing without the baby. I went with my stepmom to the paint store and T.arget, and left the baby with my dad and sisters. I assumed my dad would watch the baby, but when I got home I found that my 8 year old sister had had him the entire time. And none of the girls ever remembers to support his head, and it makes me crazy nervous to watch the 6 and 8 year old walk around with him, especially on the stairs, omg panic. But I guess they'd done okay because he slept most the time I was gone and they even changed his diaper. Lesson in letting go I suppose, but eek.

Today I have to go get my assistant started on a job. It's not going to take me long, but oh how I'm dreading it. I'm dreading loading the car, dreading forgetting something important which is inevitable I know, dreading having to deal with anything going wrong. I'm not ready to be working again, even in an advisory capacity (though making money again will be nice). I can't believe I have to go back to work in three weeks already... I suppose most women aren't ready whenever they have to go back, but boy do I wish I had twelve weeks. He's still so young, I can't bear the thought of leaving him in daycare yet. I'll have to schedule some short days so he's only there for four hours or so. I can handle that. I think.