Week of Firsts

First day of daycare went well! Huge sigh of relief. I picked Miles up at 2:30 and Judy said he'd done well, sucked his bottles right down, and he did cry when he was ready for a nap, but she put him in the swing and he went out like a light. She described him as a "very laid back, happy baby," which is really wonderful to hear... it tells me that he's content while he's there. And once again when I came to get him, Judy was holding him and he was staring up at her and smiling. Yay!

Also, while he was gone, I pumped twice and got 10 oz in the morning and 4 more in the afternoon - during which time he had only eaten 8 oz. So I pumped almost double what he consumed, which is excellent. I won't expect that every day but it's nice to know I can do it.

When we got home, Miles was ready for a nap. I set him in his swing so I could label my milk bottles but he was having none of that. Silly Mommy, get your priorities straight! I don't know what I was thinking. I picked him up and he fell asleep in my arms, holding on to my sweatshirt with one tiny hand. *Melt* When he woke up I nursed him and then we "talked" for a while and then I bathed him, put his PJs on, took some pictures, and held him some more until it was time for my dinner.

Still, even though it all went fine, I can't help thinking We have to do this again today? And the next day? And next week too? It's hard to part with my maternity leave, it really is.

Now for a not so good first. First postpartum sex. Or sex attempt, more accurately. We put it off for two weeks longer than necessary, because I was frankly terrified and Mr. Ibis was a little nervous as well. So 8 weeks postpartum and we gave it a go. And it was pretty much exactly what I was afraid of. It hurt like a bitch and we didn't - umm - get very far because I started bleeding. BLEEDING, people. My vagina is broken. I seriously wanted to cry. And I'm talking, bleeding enough to have to wear a pantyliner all night long.

It seems to me that can't be normal, and I should probably call my doctor, but we have a little situation with our health insurance right now. When Mr. I changed jobs, we lost our group insurance, and I quickly applied for private coverage, but it's still pending.

Which brings me to another first: Miles's first vaccinations. Today. I'm skeered! I'm not one of those people who thinks vaccinations cause autism, but I am worried about the amount of aluminum in those things (which to my knowledge has never been proven safe for infants), and the number of shots per visit, and the known possible side effects. I trust doctors, I just don't trust drug companies. At the same time, I do have Miles in daycare, albeit a small daycare, and not only is he more exposed to disease that way, she also requires him to be up to date since she is a licensed provider.

I've gone around and around and around on this. My pediatrician is fine with alternate schedules, and I might be able to talk Judy into one, but the question is what scares me more - the unknown side effects of vaccines, or these childhood diseases? And I think the diseases might be a little more frightening. But then I don't know. Ugh. I will ask the pedi today what he thinks but I'm fairly certain he'll just give me the standard AAP answer and not his personal opinion, so I don't know how reassuring that will be. I hate making this decision... it's hard. The information out there is so contradictory that in the end I feel like I'm just taking a shot in the dark either way.