Stress

I am having trouble sleeping. This is bad. It's not just when I'm home alone, it's also when Mr. I is here, it turns out. Some nights we get into bed really early, like 7 pm. Sounds like a nice time to read, but then I read for an hour... two hours... three hours... and still don't feel like I can fall asleep. Usually I end up turning out the light and just lying there for a long time. And then just as I'm finally drifting off Miles wakes up hungry. So then I'm up some more.

I don't think I handle stress well; specifically, work stress. I woke up this morning and when I got a chance to get on the computer I got a double dose of bad news: our health insurance premium came out twice this month (long boring story, the short of it is that was supposed to happen eventually but we didn't know when), dropping our bank balance to $100. This is after we just had a huge fight about money last Friday that I do not want to revisit. Then I checked my email and saw my current client complaining about the color of the doors I'm doing - OF COURSE on the last day when I was expecting to finish and get paid. This is ALWAYS when my clients decide to tell me they're not happy. Not midway through when I can do something about it without wasting time and money.

My heart started pounding when I saw that. I honestly felt like I might vomit. I don't usually have such a visceral reaction to stress, but my tolerance to work stress seems extra low ever since I had the baby. It's like there's this shrieking voice way in the back of my head screaming I DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH THIS ANYMORE! As if I have a choice. I do not. And anyway it's not very mature or 32-years-old of me to not be able to handle routine conflict in my job. But that panic button seems ever so sensitive lately.