This Is Not How I Thought It Would Be review

A couple of weeks have elapsed since I read This Is Not How I Thought It Would Be by Kristin Maschka, and I've already returned it to the library, so my review can't be as in depth as I'd like. It covers a lot of the same material as Perfect Madness, but its tone is more personal and a little more self-helpish, which I don't mean in a negative sense. The subtitle of the book is Remodeling Motherhood To Get the Lives We Want Today, which reflects her central focus of rewriting our own assumptions and subconscious beliefs about motherhood, marriage-with-kids, work while mothering, etc. Each chapter ends with a set of questions to help you analyze your subconscious beliefs and how you might begin to change the way you think and behave with regard to being a woman with kids, a spouse, a job (home or not), etc.

Maschka agrees with Judith Warner of Perfect Madness that many of the problems mothers face are cultural, societal, and economical; however, she differs from Warner in that she puts much more of the power to change and fix those problems into the hands of her readers. On one hand, I like this empowerment message and find it encouraging; on the other, I resent it a little and find it a tad bit Pollyanna-ish. I do agree that there are some things women can do to take control of their own identities as mothers, and also to adjust the balance of power in their marriages. But Maschka has a privileged situation in which she can work part time, afford child care, and also have her husband reduce his work hours to do more of the house/kid work. I also have that privileged situation, but many (probably most?) mothers aren't so lucky, and I can imagine that if I had to work 9-5 for financial reasons, my husband had to work 60+ hours or be laid off, and child care was crushing us, I might read this book with some resentment.

Even so, I would highly recommend this one. In fact, I actually find it more readable and more practical than Perfect Madness and would recommend it first for those reasons - then if you wanted to read more on the topic pick up Warner's book as well.

Maschka also has a website that features some of the exercises from her book, a free email list of tips, and articles and blog entries she's written at Remodeling Motherhood.