Goal

I met Mr. Ibis in a bar, both of us drunk on tequila (we have so much in common!). We walked home from the bar together, because as it turns out we lived in the same building, we had one more very unnecessary drink, and made out. Then we did that again. Then we went on our first date.

On our first date, we walked around eating ice cream, as it was an August evening (seven Augusts ago, in fact), and then we wandered into our regular dart bar again to sit down and talk over a couple of Amstel Lights. We talked about how we both came from biggish families (4+ kids) and both aspired more or less to the prototypical American dream: house, kids, dog. We talked about how we both felt that money was not the most important thing in the world but family and friends definitely were.

I'm sure a lot of people say that but we really meant it. Seven years later, we're doing fine financially, but not exactly doing well. We have a 30 year mortgage with a good rate but no equity, we have meager savings, we have health insurance with a large deductible, we've only recently opened IRAs. We can do more than just pay the bills, but still sometimes we have months where we barely squeak by for one reason or another.

But. We have a really sweet though frequently annoying dog, we have a cute little older home that we love, and we have the world's cutest baby who makes us smile a thousand times a day, and we have a strong, happy, fun marriage.

It's no accident that things have ended up this way; life, like college, is simply a matter of reaping what you sow. Our goals in life were to have a happy family, that's what we always worked towards, and that's what we've achieved. Sure, we would like to have more money - everyone would. But as much lip service as we've paid to "getting ahead," the truth is it's never been a passion for either of us, and I suspect that's how people who "get ahead" do it - they are driven toward achieving financial goals the way we were driven toward creating a family. We work toward financial goals like a little kid works toward dessert by finishing his peas.

It's not that we're lazy, because in fact we're both pretty hard working and highly motivated to do our jobs well. It's just that our hardworkingness comes in forms that don't really translate to financial success, at least not nowadays - getting things right even if it costs money, being loyal to employers, looking out for coworkers, pleasing customers.

Mr. Ibis and I are always going in circles, alternatively beating ourselves up for not doing better in our careers or bank accounts, but then remembering how much we do have and realizing that it's everything you want. In a perfect world we could have money and happiness - I'm not one of those people who tells themselves that rich people must be miserable just to make myself feel better. But I think I'm pretty much reconciled to the idea that we'll always plod along in this way, eking out a couple of dollars for a vacation every few years but mostly just getting by, doing our best, and being grateful for the plenty that we have. I could see the glass half empty in the sense that I never did rise above the socioeconomic standing of my parents, or I can see it half full, and I think finally I do.

Back on that first date I knew that I wanted to be with Mr. Ibis for a long time. I knew that we wanted the same things in life and I sensed that we could have them, together. We both chose wisely when we chose each other, because when it comes to making a happy family, we've been a damn good team.