We're coming up on the two year mark since my loss. Funny how the birth of Miles has given January a new meaning, when a year before he came along it was a month of mourning. We're coming up on a season of memories again, the first BFP, the first weeks of my first pregnancy. Bittersweet memories that now seem a little more sweet than bitter. Though it ended badly, I can now see that time as a pregnancy in its own right - too short, but part of my history. Part of the history of my body, which I gained a new confidence in by giving birth and breastfeeding a healthy baby. I now see that I had the healing birth that my doula predicted for me.
My wish is that everyone who hasn't yet will have a healing birth to soothe some of the pain of loss. A healthy baby doesn't replace a lost one, but for me, my healthy baby put the lost one in a different light, a less painful one: the life that I held inside me for only 9 weeks was meaningful to me and part of my journey as a mother.
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