The Ups & Downs

I read a blog this morning from another mama (of three, soon to be four) who says that children are just "easy" or "hard" and so you shouldn't congratulate or blame yourself too much either way... I like the part where she says:

~The first one (or second or third) was just easy. You were not actually doing everything right. It was actually just the child. (Oops on all the times you gave other women advice on how to get their baby to sleep through the night, huh?!) No, you don't have any special knowledge, you just got lucky.

~The other one, was just hard. You did not do anything terribly and horribly wrong. Neither did that friend you had with the "naughty" or "out of control" toddler. It was just a harder child or a difficult stage and you were just seeing them at a bad moment.

I've had some bad moments lately. I know I'm kinda sensitive to the little things, but when Miles screams through a diaper change (he no longer wants to lay on his back, EVER) and I snap at him, I feel so crappy. I wonder if this behavior is "my fault" and if I'm handling it wrong (obviously snapping is not handling it, but I mean all the other times I actually TRY to handle it). I wonder if all the nap madness is "my fault." I have days where I find it hard to tune in to him and just keep spacing out, because I'm tired and Mr. Ibis is gone, and then I feel bad for not paying attention. I know... this is normal mom stuff. It just helps to hear someone else say it sometimes.

On the bright side, a lot of wonderful aspects of Miles's personality are emerging now too. Lately he does this adorable "Haaaaahhhhh!" laugh with a huge smile when he's playing - he face lights up when he sees his same old toys as though he's been missing them for years. He plays contentedly by himself for long stretches and then he comes to me for cuddles. He gives me big funny open-mouthed kisses. The other day I was sitting on the floor petting the dog while Miles played, and suddenly he crawled over, pushed the Unicorn out of my lap, and stood up to plant a big kiss on me. Watching him problem-solve when he wants something that is out of reach or stuck is really cool - he's a smart boy and very determined. His baby talk is now very complex and cute, though he doesn't say any words yet (only accidental mamas and dadas but nothing with purpose). He imitates the dog by making a little whiny-puppy sound that cracks me up. I feel so lucky that I get to spend as much time with him as I do.