Meandering thoughts

Good morning. I got better sleep last night, which was much needed. My cold has at least progressed from raging sinus pressure and congestion to having snot pour out of my face, so I think that means I'm getting better?

Something new has popped up: my boobs! Whoa mama. I went from normal boob size to bursting out of my bra literally overnight. It seemed to happen two nights ago, the night I couldn't sleep. I thought it was because I was congested, but maybe it was because a freakish boobie growth spurt was taking place. Yesterday I went to a client meeting wearing a simple v-neck tshirt that suddenly seeemed borderline pornographic.

Switching gears, I've been reading a memoir called Baby Catcher by Patty Vincent, about her experiences as a midwife, spanning a 30 year career catching babies. It's making the idea of a natural birth seem more and more appealing to me. I know that childbirth is hard and much more painful than anything I can imagine, but I think I could do it, and I like the idea of getting through it without drugs. Pain is not fun, but it's not dangerous either. I think I could cope knowing that it's just a natural part of the process - it's fear of something going wrong that's the part that would freak me out - but if I were told that everything was going well, I would rather not take pain meds.

I mentioned this to Mr. Ibis yesterday and suddenly he had a minor freakout about the whole idea of me giving birth. He said sat there saying "Whoa... holy shit" over and over while I laughed. He asked me wasn't I scared to do it, and I said no, not yet. I'm sure once I have a big belly with a big old baby inside and my due date is looming, I'll start to get scared. I think everyone does, at least a little.

I don't think I would do a home birth, even though I know that some people say the prospect of too much medical intervention should scare me more than the prospect of having complications at home. I guess I just don't have enough mistrust of Western medicine to make that leap, at least not yet. And then there is the whole matter of insurance. I don't even know how that stuff works, but I know that I need to err on the side of maximum coverage whenever possible.

I really need to figure out my insurance this time around. With my first pregnancy, I paid over $800 out of pocket for my first OB appointment, even though I supposedly have "good" insurance with a low deductible and no copays. I didn't understand what happened there, but by the time I was billed I had miscarried and I just couldn't deal with the headache. I tried - I called my insurance company and tried to figure it out - but it was too much for me, so I just paid it. Obviously I can't pay $800 per appointment through this pregnancy, or else why do I even have insurance? There has to be something to this that I didn't get last time.

In a similar vein, I got a notice from my credit card yesterday that they were raising my interest rate to 25% for no reason. It launched me into a spell of generalized anxiety about money for a while. Can we do this, are we going to sink, etc. I think it's unavoidable when you're (hopefully) having a baby not to freak out about money. I know that we are in decent shape, but I also know that anything could happen... we're just going to have to do our best.