On Wednesday (yesterday) morning, I had to get up to pee at 3:30am. Since we usually get up at 5:30am, this was close enough to morning that Mr. Ibis could not fall back asleep, and when he can't sleep, I can't sleep, because he thrashes around and sighs loudly until finally I give up and admit I'm awake too. I got up at 3:30 absolutely LIVID, unable to sleep. I read a book on the couch for a couple of hours while Mr. I, of course, caught another hour of sleep. Sigh.
I did have to work that day, and it involved a lot of ladder work and working over the stairs, and also because it was all one gigantic wall I was not able to take a break and eat a snack at any point from 10am to 1pm - my hungriest time of day. It was a little rough. I had called in reinforcement in the form of a colleague of mine who I've worked with pretty regularly for two and a half years.
I had been hiding my pregnancy from her thus far, even though she asked every time I saw her how the babymaking was coming along, because I just wanted to get into the safety zone first this time around (she knew about my previous loss, as did half the world). Finally yesterday, when our work was finished, I told her, "I'm gonna have a baby!" She looked away, said "yay" with no enthusiasm, and then asked "But how far along?" I said, "I waited and waited... I'm finally 12 weeks." She just kind of muttered a congratulations that sounded totally insincere. I was stunned, and then crestfallen. As I said to Mr. Ibis, she's the kind of person who will jump up and down and hug you just because it's Tuesday. I did not expect such a reaction from her - at all. I thought she would be excited, give me a hug, squeal, all that good stuff - but nothing. Just bleh.
I was bummed out about it for a while yesterday. I felt like this was one more thing my miscarriage had stolen from me - the excitement of others when I do finally have a successful pregnancy. It just seemed so terribly UNFAIR. And it is unfair. But I'm not bitter. I don't really have it in me to get bogged down in negative emotions anymore. I was sad about it for a while yesterday but I've moved on now. I do have other people who are excited for me - my mom, my mother-in-law, my friend who is in her third trimester now... so I'll just look to them for cameraderie instead.
I called the nurse yesterday and asked her to ask my doctor whether I need to refill my progesterone prescription when it runs out in a few days. She said I could just switch to every other day until they run out and that will be it. So I skipped one last night and Saturday will be my last suppository. I felt weird not taking it last night, but I'm not really that nervous. By now I know my body should be able to handle making all the hormones it needs.
I am nervous about the NT scan on Monday, but also excited. Sometimes I think about the worst case scenarios, but mostly I figure the chances are excellent that everything will be fine. If not, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it, but I'm not going to work myself up over what ifs right now.
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