Unsettled

Sooo... that appointment turned out to be slightly more eventful than I thought.

First, of course, I got weighed: 112.5. Put one way, I gained 5 lbs in 4 weeks, which is a little eek. But put another way, I've gained 8 lbs for the entire pregnancy and that's fine.

So I get into the exam room and the FIRST thing the physician's assistant says to me is, "The doctor wants you to have your flu shot today, so I'll just have you fill out this paperwork." I was completely taken aback. I was expecting the doctor to talk to me about vaccination during that appointment, but I was NOT expecting to be told I was getting it immediately. Fortunately she said she would come back to give me the shot after the doctor saw me - I think I probably would have caved if she'd whipped out the needle right then, but I really wanted time to think!

My blood pressure was good, doc eventually comes in. She asked if I'd had my anatomy scan (big ultrasound yet). Again I was taken aback, because last time I saw her she'd told me to schedule it, I'd told her when I planned to schedule it, and she said she would call if any of the results were concerning. I was slightly alarmed that she didn't even know if I'd had it done. I said I'd done it two weeks ago, and she said she would have to look at the results and go over them to make sure everything was okay. Even though I'm assuming if things weren't okay someone would have alerted her, it still bugs me that two weeks have passed and she hasn't done that yet. I don't know... I just don't know what to think of that.

Then we chatted, I told her it was a boy and it was fun to find out.... She measured my belly and said I'm measuring 25 weeks - which is crazy! - but she didn't seem concerned, she just said, "you are growing!" or something like that. She said my next appointment is in 4 weeks, but then we'll go to every 2 weeks. I think she said I do the one hour glucose test at 26 weeks and get my Rhogam shot at 28 weeks. I reminded her that I don't need the Rhogam shot because Mr. Ibis is also Rh negative. She listened to the baby's heart, and then we were done. She didn't ask if I had any questions or how I was feeling, but I told her about the rash and that I'd gotten a prescription for hydro cortisone cream, which she said won't hurt the baby.

On her way out she mentioned the flu shot again so I asked her if I could get the preservative-free vaccine. She said she would check on that for me and left. Soon the PA came back - breezing in with a clipboard and a full syringe. She said cheerfully, "So, ready for your flu shot? Which arm?" I stammered, "Ummm, that doesn't matter, but - I was just talking to the doctor about the preservative free vaccine? Is that what that is? Or, could I get that one?" She had no idea what I talking about (thanks, doc) and said she didn't think they had that but she'd go check.

Finally the PA came back and just kind of hung on to the door while telling me, "We don't have the preservative free one available, and we don't know where you could get it... since there's a shortage." I said uncertainly, "Okay... well... I guess I'll just... call around, and maybe I'll get it next time?" She said okay that was fine, and walked out.

Thus concluded my appointment, and I left feeling very awkward. I felt guilty like I was being a difficult patient, but also very irritated and uncomfortable with feeling kind of railroaded. I felt like I was just a number in the system and my doctor was going down a checklist with me with no regard to what my specific needs or concerns are. I have never felt like I need to be treated as "special," which is why I went to an OB in the first place instead of seeking out a midwife... but this time I felt like it went way too far in the other direction where my OB barely seemed acquainted with me as a patient. She didn't look at my ultrasound, she didn't have any note about me not wanting Rhogam, she didn't talk to me about vaccination. She just followed protocol like I was Patient #247893 off the street.

I'm a huge people-pleaser and authority-follower, so I felt really weird about even expressing an opinion about the flu vaccine. But I realized that this is just something I have to get over now that I'm pregnant. I have a lot of choices to make and there is no point in making them if I'm not going to tell my doctor what they are. Obviously this is something that is going to be come more crucial as I approach & go through childbirth... if my doctor is the type to just go straight down the line of induction, pitocin, epidural, C-section - I might as well learn to stick up for myself now.

Still, I just feel unsettled and unhappy now. I really don't want to switch doctors at this point, and I absolutely will not leave the group because I love the hospital birthing suites, but I'm not happy today.