Whining

Yesterday was not a good day for me. I got off to a bad start while trying to back out of the driveway. Mr. Ibis had taken my car to work so he could install the car seat, which meant I was driving his van. I think I'm a reasonably good driver in MY little Focus, but I'm not too proud to admit that the minivan is too much for me. I feel like I'm driving an ocean liner. And all the streets and driveways are still surrounded by 5 foot snow drifts, so it's very hard to get around. I got stuck, and then unstuck, just getting out of our own driveway. I slid all around the place driving to my destination. So right away - bad mood.

I headed out to visit a friend of a friend with that friend. The woman in question is a single mom who just gave us a bunch of boy baby clothes and diapers - her son is 6 months old - so I wanted to thank her. We had a nice visit, the baby was cute, and she ended up giving me a bunch more stuff. Some more onesies, a couple of swaddling blankets, 10 pacifiers of various kinds, and a breast pump. She said she didn't think the motor was good anymore on the pump so I could do whatever I wanted with it. I don't plan to use it, because I'm sure the motor isn't good and it belonged to her sister-in-law, whom I don't know. But it did come with an awesome travel freezer pack and five 4 oz bottles that I will totally use.

After that my friend wanted me to come to another friend's house so I followed her. Of course he lived halfway up a hill on a street that hasn't been plowed: bad news for me in the van. I got stuck, backed up, tried to get into his driveway but that had a big ridge of snow so I got stuck again, managed to get out of there and was just totally freaking out. My friend made me get out so she could get me into a good parking spot on the side of the road. Then of course the guy wasn't home. So she told me to take her 4WD and she would drive the van out of the neighborhood because she could see I was just totally losing my shit.

So finally I headed out to run some errands. I dropped a sample off for a designer, for a job that just won't die. I picked up dog food. I made my way to the bank. When I was almost there I got a call from the designer who'd just received my sample, and was all upset because she already paid me but the client hasn't paid her because they're still unhappy and blah blah blah. I'll spare the drawn out explanation but the short version is that I did the finish that I was contracted to do, based on an approved sample, but the client apparently had some other vision in their head so somehow this is now MY problem. I managed to placate the designer but not really solve anything. Then I went into the bank to deposit a check and buy stamps, only to find out they no longer sell stamps. And that, my friends, sent me over the edge. My eyes welled up and I walked out.

I cried a little on the way home. I was totally hormonal, extremely hungry since it was 1 am and I hadn't eaten since 8, and hate, hate, hating my job so much. Hating the van. Hating everything. I called Mr. I to ask him to please get us some stamps because I just couldn't deal, and I told him a little of my work problem. Then I went home and vegged out for the rest of the day. Except that I got two more work calls, people wanting me to bid new jobs. Ordinarily that would be a good thing but I was just in NO mood to think about work, at all.

Even though I hate doing this, when he got home I vented more about the work problem. It didn't really help, because he was just at a loss for what to say, and I was feeling crazier and crazier, compounded with the new problem of feeling like I was annoying my husband about this. So I just did my best to cheer up. We went to bed and tried some labor-inducing sex again (not working!) and I fell asleep.

But then when I woke up for pee break #2 at 3:30am, I couldn't fall back asleep. My mind was racing thinking about the job. I was composing emails in my head and going over the problem again and again - it was awful. So I finally just got up and went downstairs. I read a book on the couch and dozed a little more. Suckage.

Today I have most of the day off. But I do have to go bid a job at 3, and possibly another after that. I do not want to think about work right now. Sometimes I really, really hate my job, and this is one of those times. It's going to be so hard for me to return in the spring... not only will I hate leaving my baby, but I'm going to hate returning to the stress of these stupid spoiled brat clients and their ridiculous demands and all the stress of running a business. There are many things to appreciate about my work, like the flexibility, freedom, and and relatively small number of hours, but right now I'm just dwelling on all the downsides.