Separation Anxiety - For Realz Edition

I love a love-hate relationship with my AAP baby care book. At times it's useful, like when it gives me a sample menu (with portion sizes) for a 9-12 mo old (sometimes those simple things can be a little waahhh? without a reference). Sometimes it's condescending and assholish, like when it tells me that no machine can substitute for quality time with mommy, therefore no baby should be in a swing for more than 30 minutes a day (SHUT UP BOOK). Sometimes it's confusing and self-contradictory, like when it recommends breastfeeding for a year, but later says your baby is ready to wean when he begins looking around during a feeding and/or mouthing the nipple, which in my experience is as soon as baby is mobile and teething, long before one year.

Anyway, the little book came through for me today by describing separation anxiety and what to do about it in a way that made sense to me. I'm now certain that that's what we're dealing with, aside from whatever teething woes come and go. This morning Miles started crying because he saw me walk out the front door... to get the mail. Which is right on the porch.

The book tells me reassuringly that SA occurs because baby has formed a secure attachment to me (THANK YOU BOOK!). It peaks somewhere between 10-18 months on average, and the worst of it lasts a few weeks. Hopefully he'll be over the hump by the time I have another job and have to leave him at daycare. In the meantime, the book advises that you can help baby get through SA by giving him extra cuddles, letting him be clingy basically, and (if you don't co-sleep) even going to him at night to reassure him that you are still close by... or in my case snuggling with him when he wakes up in our bed during the night.

It described our current sleep/nap issues perfectly, which seems to be that baby wakes up more frequently to make sure you are still there. At night this is usually not a big issue, because I am right there. He wakes up crying, then I can give him the binky and cuddle him back to sleep (except for the times he decides he needs to crawl over and INTO my face to make sure I'm really really definitely there, but leave those aside). At naptime this is a bigger problem because he wakes up after 20-30 minutes and I'm not there - so he can't fall back to sleep. This explains why he can nap in the Ergo for an hour or more, but in the pack & play he can't.

Then again, he is sleeping 12 hour chunks at night (if you don't count the brief wakeups), so I don't feel he's truly sleep deprived during the day - at least with me. I can get two half hour naps in a day and that's not too shabby. The problem is at Judy's where he doesn't take the morning nap. I'm going to talk to her about all this and see if there's any way she can get him down in the morning... it would be so helpful.

I'm keeping Miles home this week and though he's had his cranky moments/days here and there, I'm enjoying it after my busy streak of work. I'm enjoying the extra cuddles even if they come along with extra crocodile tears. When I put him to bed at night I turn out the light, nurse, and lay down with him until he falls asleep, which usually takes just a couple of minutes. He falls asleep snuggled against me. Last night he fell asleep holding my face with both hands. So sweet. When he's out, I turn on the bedside light and read until I'm ready for sleep myself (Mr. I does the same on the nights he's here... we do have our romantic time, but not at bedtime!). Now that Miles falls asleep so peacefully this has become a treasured time of day for me. Sometimes it's all I can do not to *smoosh* his cute little sleeping face.